


i'm sinking, you're waiting

by marvelslilo



Category: One Direction (Band), Shameless (US)
Genre: Angst, M/M, Shameless AU, ben winston is the abusive step father and he goes to jail a lot, harry as ian, however half of my characters are gay so just go with it, lots of angst bc stupid boys who hide their feelings, louis as mickey, niall and gemma are literally in this twice, side Ziam, this is supposed to be a very homophobic town, this is very self indulgent because i wanted to read larry as gallavich
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-13
Updated: 2015-04-13
Packaged: 2018-03-22 15:12:28
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 18,234
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3733531
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/marvelslilo/pseuds/marvelslilo
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Louis had never learned to swim. He didn’t like going to the neighborhood pool because the other parents would look at him with pity. No one pitied Louis Tomlinson. But in the three weeks that they’ve known each other, Harry’s green-eyes made Louis feel like he was drowning. </p>
<p>Or, loosely based Shameless (US) au where Louis is the neighborhood thug and Harry is the boy that starts to make him question all he’s ever known.</p>
            </blockquote>





	i'm sinking, you're waiting

**Author's Note:**

> This is loosely based off of Mickey Milkovich and Ian Gallagher in seasons 1-4 of Shameless US. However some facts have been changed for originality and do not completely judge it for being somewhat different. 
> 
> Also, Warnings for Homophobia, Abuse, excessive alcohol use, and mention of rape. If i forgot anything please let me know.
> 
> Also, I do not own One Direction sadly so all of these statements are of my own imagination. I also do not own Shameless, however, credit to the writers for some of the quotes that I used.
> 
> Thank you to Annie and Catherine for fixing my awful grammar and sticking with me.
> 
> Also thank you to the Shameless writers who gave me Ian Gallagher and Mickey Milkovich and to Simon Cowell for giving me LouisAndHarry.
> 
> Enjoy!

Louis was six when he realized that living in the South Side of Chicago meant he wasn't allowed to kiss the cute boy at the neighborhood playground goodbye. Boys kissing boys was definitely frowned upon. Instead, he connected his fist with the other boys face, making a loud crunch, breaking the pale, fragile nose. He laughed when the pretty boy with freckles ran away with tears falling from his eyes. Louis didn't know why he punched the boy. He told himself his stepfather would be proud, so he did it.  
Louis was ten when his mother died. She'd been drunk more than she had been sober, finally drinking herself into oblivion. Louis didn't cry at the funeral. He felt like he should have. His little brother Zayn had tears rolling down his cheeks, but Louis had dry eyes. He told himself his stepfather would be proud, so he stayed silent.  
Louis was sixteen when he beat up the boy that had been calling Zayn names. When Zayn came home with a bruise that he hadn't gotten at home, Louis hunted the boy down. "No one hurts my little brother, you piece of shit," he had growled, holding the boy at knife point. Louis didn't know why he did a lot of things, but he knew why he beat up the boy. No one messed with the people Louis loved. He told himself his stepfather would be proud, so he wiped off his bloody knife and left the alley.  
Now, Louis was eighteen and he never paid for food from the tiny grocery store a couple blocks over. The old store owner had been left bleeding on the street when Louis had stumbled by late one night. Louis' arms were littered with seemingly pointless tattoos and he wore a constant scowl on his face, but the man had cried out in pain, and Louis had taken pity on him, pulling him into the shop and bandaging him up. The store owner promised never to make Louis pay for anything ever again, and Louis had demanded that the old man never tell a soul of the good deed. After all, he had a reputation to uphold.  
"Good morning, Louis," greeted the man behind the counter. "Take whatever you need, mate."  
Louis grumbled, twirling his knife around his fingers. He looked around the shop, surveying every corner. His eye caught on some chocolate candy bars, and he threw them into his box. Zayn loved chocolate and Louis loved Zayn. The boy may be his adopted brother, but he was Louis' first and only priority. Next he studied the bread, picking out Zayn's favorite. He walked to the counter and handed the older man a five dollar bill.  
"Need a pack of cigarettes." Grimmy nodded swiftly in response, tossing Louis a new pack.  
"Have a good day," said the store clerk softly, as the small, terrifying boy left his shop.  
Louis walked home, glaring at anyone who looked at him for too long. People were usually taken aback by the pixie-like boy covered in ink and holding a weapon. He had always been small for his age and Zayn had outgrown him ages ago. But he was the tough guy of the neighborhood and he liked it. You couldn't be the short gay one if you were already known as the bad boy. You only ever seemed to earn one nickname in this town.  
Louis trudged home, the hood of his torn jacket covering his head from the autumn shower that was falling onto the dead grass surrounding their home. "Zayn, you ungrateful ass, get out here. I have something for you."  
The skinny boy slunk out of his room with a paintbrush between his teeth. "What do you want?" He mumbled around the brush.  
Louis smiled at the younger boy, instantly softening, wiping a smudge of red paint from Zayn's cheek. "I picked up some food for you since you've been locked in that cave of yours working on who knows what for days."  
"Gotta finish my projects before Dad gets out, again," Zayn whispered, reaching for the chocolate bars in Louis' box. Their stepfather didn't like that his son was into art. It wasn't tough enough.  
"He's got at least a year in the can, Z. You don't bust a police officer in the head without getting locked up for awhile."  
"He busts you in the head all the time, Lou."  
Louis' smile faded fast, his eyes getting hard. "I'd rather him hit me than you. I know I can't take all the hits but I'll sure as hell try."  
Ben Winston had married Louis' mom when he was four years old. His mom's new husband had brought along a two year old baby with soft black hair and skin three shades darker than Louis’. Louis had attached himself to the boy instantly. The four year old was young, but he knew what alcohol was as soon as he was old enough to walk. His mom had hit the bottle hard soon after his birth father had left, and Louis prayed that maybe Mr. Winston would be able to help.  
He soon realized he was wrong. His new stepfather was almost worse than his mother was. Where the alcohol made his mom sad and desperate, it made Ben violent and harsh; often taking his anger out on one of the boys. Louis took it upon himself to care for baby Zayn and at five years old, he was scavenging for food to make sure his new little brother was fed. He made sure Zayn had clothes, made it to school every day, and got all the supplies he needed for his artwork. Most of all, he tried to make sure the man couldn't lay a hand on his baby brother.  
It was easy to accomplish the latter when Winston was in and out of jail. The man constantly got into drunken bar fights, and was banned from several stores because of theft.  
The two boys took advantage of the time their stepfather was out of the house. Zayn painted, sometimes selling his artwork to add money to their funds. Louis worked odd jobs, making sure they always had enough cash to splurge on games or treats. They looked after each other, and Louis knew that if he was in trouble his first call would always be Zayn.  
~  
"Z, I'm going to the get some dinner, don't burn the house down while I’m gone," Louis yelled from the front door, pulling his torn hoodie over his head.  
"Shut the fuck up, Lou! Also, buy me some more cigarettes!"  
"Needy bastard," Louis chuckled, walking down the street towards the store.  
He looked for Grimmy when he walked in, but the older man was nowhere to be found. With a shrug of his shoulders, Louis continued his shopping. Reaching behind the counter to grab a pack of smokes, he left a five on the desk. As he turned to leave, he heard the click of a gun.  
"What the fuck, mate," Louis sputtered, spinning around.  
"Why don't you steal from somewhere you don't live. Have some civic pride, maybe?" The squeaky voice came from a mop of curls that was facing Louis with a gun.  
"Look, Curly, you must be new here, but I don't pay at this store," Louis spit out with impatient irritation.  
"I know how to use this thing, I'm in the ROTC program. I can shoot you with this." Mop-Of-Curls fumed, biting his lip.  
"Didn't ask for the life story, mate. Just find Grimmy, he'll explain." Louis backed slowly to the door, not letting his eyes stray from the barrel of the gun. If there was one thing Louis knew, you never turn your back on a weapon.  
"He isn't here right now." The boy looked at Louis with bright green eyes. Louis thought he was going to go into cardiac arrest. This boy was cute and also trying to kill him. Just his luck. "And if you don't drop those items, I'm going to have to shoot you."  
Louis watched the boys fingers itch on the gun. He probably should have been worried about how close they were to the trigger, but instead he was thinking about other things those fingers could do. That probably wasn't helping his case.  
"Look, boy. I honestly don't want to be shot right now. I have a little brother I have to take care of. He's about your age, cute little thing. So if you would kindly let me go, it would be appreciated."  
The boy’s face softened. "I have family, too. But I can't let you steal from Nick."  
"You're on first name basis with old Grimmy?" Louis snorted.  
"Drop the food."  
"No."  
Fingers twitched over metal, and Louis jumped, flinging himself forward towards the curly-headed figure. Grabbing the gun, he pulled it from the boy’s hands. He felt fingers against his own, and he flinched at the unexpected warmth of the touch. Their eyes connected for half of a second. Then, he ran.

"Where the fuck did you get a gun? I sent you out for dinner and cigarettes!" Zayn fumed, pacing back in forth in front of Louis.  
"The kid fucking pointed it at me, he would have shot me if I hadn't grabbed it," Louis shot back, staring at the gun in his hand. He didn't know why he grabbed the gun. He should have just grabbed the food and ran. But in the split second that it took to take a hold of the weapon, Louis felt like he had been burned. The green-eyed boy had jumped back, in shock, and Louis wondered if he had felt the same. It was almost as if their touch had been electric, two live wires bouncing off each other with enough power to wipe out a city.  
Zayn just shook his head, mumbling about Louis’ stupidity, and going to grab a beer from the fridge. Louis ignored him, heading to his room to lock the gun in a drawer. He'd return it tomorrow, hopefully to Grimmy instead of the kid. But until then, he was going to get some well deserved sleep. He climbed into bed, flipped off the lights, and curled into a ball, and hoped maybe tomorrow would go smoothly for once in his life.

Louis awoke with a sputter and a hand closing over his mouth. "What the fuck," he squeaked out, jumping to his feet. He knocked over his assailant, jumping for his knife.  
"Give me back the gun," said a small voice. "I know you have it here, give it to me."  
"Jesus, kid, I was going to bring it back, you have the wrong idea." Louis stumbled, shaking the sleep from his head. The boy was dressed in jeans that fit nicely around his ass, and Louis briefly wondered how long it would take to get them off.  
"You're the bad boy of the neighborhood, why do you need another gun?" Green-Eyes looked confused under his tough exterior, his curly hair giving away his youth. "I heard you mostly use knives anyway."  
"What I'm hearing is that you've heard of me," Louis smirked, licking his lips. "What's your name boy?"  
"Harry," replied Curly, slowly, holding a bat in front of him.  
"Well, young Harold, I simply added your gun to my collection so that you wouldn't bloody kill me." Louis hissed out the last bit, dropping his knife back on the desk.  
"I wouldn't have killed you, I probably would have just nicked your leg,” the boy- Harry- said smugly.  
"Comforting,” Louis glared, “but what if you had missed?"  
"I never miss."  
Louis stalked towards Harry, whose eyes narrowed in on the way Louis licked his lips.  
"Prove it," Louis breathed, pushing the younger boy back onto his bed. Harry fell willingly; his pants gone quicker than Louis would have believed. And if Zayn covered his ears with pillows for the rest of the morning, well, no one had to know.  
~  
The next day, Louis’ heart and ass hurt. Harry had left with a wink and a smirk sometime after the third time he got Louis off. He didn't even leave a number. Not that Louis had expected him to leave one. But it would have been nice. Louis convinced himself it was because the boy was fit and he wouldn't mind “hanging out” with him again. Of course, Zayn got a kick out of it.  
“I’m going to get some milk, Z. You want anything?” Louis had called, heading out the front door.  
“I’m sure you’re going for milk,” Zayn had yelled back with a snort. “Milk from Harry,” he said, moaning the name before bursting into laughter.  
Louis grumbled, closing the door hard enough to make the frame shake. He really was going to get milk, it would just be a perk if Harry happened to be working again today. Not that Louis was going to say anything. It was just a hook up. A quick thing between two closeted horny gay guys. What teenage gay kid wasn't horny? And Louis definitely didn't think about it non-stop. Definitely.  
Louis didn't do long term. He rarely even did repeats. Aiden had been a fling more than once, but as soon as he had tried to get closer, Louis had punched him in the nose, called him a faggot and walked away. Greg was the kid who would only hook up with Louis at two in the morning in an abandoned baseball dugout. Not that Louis minded the early morning discretion, but he did mind finding dirt in places the sun didn't shine. Besides those two, Louis only hooked up with strangers who wouldn't be able to tell anyone about it.  
The thing was, Harry felt different. Louis didn't believe in shit like soul mates or the possibility of fate. But he knew he felt more at home looking at Harry then he had ever felt before. Then again, he probably just didn't get enough sleep last night.  
The bell on the door rang as Louis walked into the shop, the gun in his jacket pocket suddenly feeling heavy. He planned on returning it to Harry since it seemed to have slipped the other boy’s mind about why he had originally come to the Tomlinson household.  
“Hello, how can I help you today?” a voice rang out over the aisles. It wasn't Harry.  
“Grimmy, how are you this fine warm morning?” Louis called out, cheerful if not a little bit sarcastic.  
“Is that Tommo I hear?” Nick Grimshaw came around the corner, stacks of cans in his arms.  
“It is,” Louis said with a cheeky grin, grabbing some cans out of the older man’s arms and placing them on a shelf. “Grimshaw, I have a request for you.”  
“What can I do for ya’?”  
“I came by the other day, looking for you actually, and I was ambushed by a curly haired boy, goes by the name of Harry. You know anything useful?” Louis ran a hand along his neck.  
“His name’s Styles. Great lad, great lad. He’s only been working here for two days, haven’t had a chance to tell him about our little agreement. He should be here soon actually if you wanna stay?” Grimshaw smiled brightly, glancing towards the door.  
Sure enough, Harry walked through the door a minute later, whistling to the tune of some song from the radio. Louis felt like he was being pulled into the ocean.  
“Hey, Louis, right?” Harry said when he noticed the pair. Either the younger boy was pulling his leg, or it really was nothing to him. There was definitely water in Louis’ lungs.  
“Brought your gun back,” Louis choked out, tossing the weapon to the younger boy.  
“Sorry about that, mate!” Harry laughed softly, looking Louis up and down.  
Grimshaw spoke up, watching Louis from the corner of his eye. “I don’t want to know how you two exchanged weaponry, but Louis here is a valued customer. He doesn’t pay for food here. Don’t mess with him again.”  
“Heard ya loud and clear, boss!” Harry mock saluted.  
“I should be on my way,” Louis muttered under his breath. He had to get out of this shop before he did something stupid. “See you around Grimmy.” He walked out the door, ignoring the disappointed look he got from Harry at the lack of farewell.  
It wasn't until he was halfway home that he realized he forgot the milk.  
~  
“Louis, I made this graph to show you that you need to find your chill,” Zayn stated, leading Louis to the couch.  
“Is this an intervention?”  
“Look at this. For every four times you go to the store, you come home with a definite lack of items from said store.” Definitely an intervention. “And, when I send you for something specific, you always come back with a dopey smile on your face and an arm full of nothing. So, you need to either, share whatever drug you’re getting that’s making you so happy, or you need to fuck this boy again and get over yourself.”  
“I appreciate the concern, Z, but in the future I’d rather you fuck off.” Louis most definitely did not have a dopey smile on his face. Louis didn't even go to the store for whatever reason Zayn thought he was going to the store for. He didn't even like Harry, that would be ridiculous.  
Zayn shook his head, “Lou, I probably know you better than you know yourself. I know you’re tearing yourself up over this.” The boy’s soft brown eyes closed as he took a drag from the cigarette he was holding. He released the smoke towards the window, turning back to watch Louis.  
“I honestly don’t know what you’re talking about Zayner,” Louis claimed, leaning back into the creaking sofa. “I don’t do crushes. They are petty and I am beyond such romantic notions. It was a quick fuck and you should know that.”  
“Whatever you say Lou. I’m just thinking you definitely need to get laid sometime soon.”  
“I won’t disagree with you there, bro.” Louis agreed, standing to clap Zayn on the back.  
“Get out of my house now you bastard,” Zayn laughed steering Louis to the door.  
“Your house?” Louis exclaimed indignantly, pulling his hoodie over his head. “I lived here first you ignorant swine!”  
Zayn shut the door in Louis’ face ignoring the protesting.  
“You’re a dick Zayn Malik!” Louis shouted to the closed door. He heard a laugh from the other side before huffing and walking away.  
He arrived at the shop, taking a deep breath. His plan was simple. Just talk to Harry and maybe invite him around for another hook-up sometime. Casual.  
Louis opened the door slowly, looking around for Harry. He wandered around the aisles, hoping that the boy was working today.  
A loud crash came from the back room and Louis’ head shot up. He heard giggling as two pairs of footsteps came hurrying into the main part of the shop.  
“Shit Harry, when I said harder, I didn't mean into the boxes,” the first voice laughed. Louis heard a zipping noise as the second voice laughed louder.  
“If you can’t take it, don’t ask for it.” Louis ducked behind and aisle, getting out of sight from the two people in the room. Harry’s voice sounded breathless and Louis wished he had been the cause.  
“Tommo!” A surprised voice shouted and Louis cursed under his breath.  
“Grimshaw,” he said coldly, eyeing the matching flush on Grimshaw’s and Harry’s cheeks.  
“This isn’t what it looks like, mate. I don’t know what you’re thinking it is, but it isn’t,” Nick stammered, eyes darting towards the door.  
Harry stepped forward, his eyes going dark, “Louis won’t tell anyone.”  
“Of course I won’t. I’m not a shit person.” Louis met Harry’s eyes with a harsher stare. Grimshaw looked between the two, his eyebrows furrowing.  
“Right. Well, Harry I think you've done enough, ehm, work today, you can take the rest of the day off.”  
“Thanks, Nick,” Harry said slowly, glaring in Louis’ direction.  
“I’m just gonna, head out then.” Louis stalked towards the door and into the cold. He stepped into an alley a couple houses down, pulling out a cigarette and lighting up. Honestly, Louis should have seen this one coming. It’s not like him and Harry had even talked much. Normally just aimless grumbles of welcome or farewell when Louis would stop by the shop. He probably shouldn’t have assumed that the other boy was also thinking about the quick rendezvous in Louis bedroom.  
Brisk footsteps approached from the sidewalk and Louis let out a breath of smoke.  
“I know you won’t tell anyone about what you heard,” the sharp voice confirmed. “You wouldn't risk the fact that I know about you, too.”  
“You don’t know me.” Louis stated simply. His hands were starting to feel numb.  
“I know you think you’re entitled to everything because you can wield a knife. I know you steal from people and they’re too scared to stop you. I know you’re scared. I know you act tough so no one will hurt you. You’re just a gay kid in the South Side and you are definitely not as scary as you make yourself seem.” Harry walked closer, his voice barely more than a whisper. He closed in on the older boy, his height giving him leverage as he invaded Louis’ personal space. Louis wondered if this is what it felt like to drown. The soft sounds of waves over his head as the water dragged him to its depths. He wasn’t going out without a fight.  
Louis shoved forward, pinning the boy to the opposite wall of the alley. Grabbing the front of his shirt in his fist, he held Harry against the brickwork. “You don’t know shit. You have no fucking clue what I can do, who I am. I’m not afraid of you Harry Styles.”  
Harry leaned closer, easily removing Louis' hand from his chest, gripping them between the space between their two beating hearts. His eyes glared daggers into the older boy. "I know you aren't afraid of me. You're afraid of yourself, aren't you?" His eyes softened as he maneuvered the two of them behind a dumpster. "Why are you so afraid, Louis?"  
"I'm," Louis stumbled, his limbs going weak as Harry moved them until they were hidden from the main road. Louis felt his heart beating fast and he absentmindedly wondered if it was going to hammer out of his chest.  
"You're what?" Harry breathed his face suddenly extremely close to Louis'.  
"Shit," Louis whispered quickly sidestepping the taller boy. He disengaged his hands from Harry’s and shuffled away quickly, ignoring the hurt that flashed across green eyes. "I'm not doing this in public. Come by my place tonight."  
Louis hurried away, trying not to smile at the smirk he saw rising on Harry’s face.  
~  
Louis had never learned to swim. He didn’t like going to the neighborhood pool because the other parents would look at him with pity. No one pitied Louis Tomlinson. But in the three weeks that they've known each other, Harry’s green eyes made Louis feel like he was drowning.  
Harry had started coming by almost every other night, quickly earning Zayn’s approval by bringing over pizza and beer when he could.  
Still, they were just friends. Friends who occasionally had their dicks up each other’s asses. But, friends none the less.  
"Louis change the channel, this show is absolute shit," Harry complained, his head in Louis' lap.  
"You're absolute shit," Louis shot back, reaching for the remote. He had been resisting the urge to run his fingers through Harry's long hair for the past two hours.  
"That's not very nice," Harry said; the words dripping out of his mouth slowly as he yawned. He blinked up at Louis sleepily.  
"Looks like someone could get some sleep," Louis remarked, suppressing the fond smile that was threatening to appear on his face.  
"It's hard to get a lot of sleep when I have my dick up your ass every other night," Harry said sweetly, snuggling into Louis' side.  
"Liking what I like don't make me a bitch." Louis moved his arm so that the younger boy could fit more comfortably against his body.  
"Hey, lovebirds, budge over." Zayn squeezed himself onto the bit of couch that wasn't taken up by Harry's legs. Louis watched the younger boy to see his reaction to the nickname, but Harry just sat up and curled his tall frame into the older boys side, contentedly falling asleep against his shoulder.  
"You don’t get any real rest at your own house, Sleepy?" Louis teased quietly, nudging the other boy in the ribs.  
"Nah, I share a room with Niall and that boy is like a firecracker on steroids," Harry smiled, closing his eyes. "Liam and Gemma both have their own rooms, but they're the oldest so I got stuck with Ni. He isn't that bad, just has a lot of energy at the wrong hours of the day."  
Louis hummed, moving his arm to wrap around Harry's shoulder. Giving in, he ran his fingers through the soft curls, slowly lulling the younger boy to sleep. While he napped, Louis watched him, ignoring the pointed stares that Zayn occasionally sent him. Harry slept peacefully, and Louis followed the movement of his eyelashes as they fluttered softly while he dreamed.  
"Lou?" Zayn whispered touching Louis' arm to get his attention.  
"Yeah?" He responded quietly, not taking his eyes off the sleeping figure next to him.  
"You going to tell him?"  
"Tell him what?" Louis responded, confusion clouding his face.  
"That you're so fucking in love with him that I think you're going to self-destruct sometime soon." Zayn smiled at the older boy. "From the looks of it, I think he returns the feelings." He pointed to the way Harry was completely tucked into Louis side.  
"I don't do love Zayn. Love is for people who aren't gay in a homophobic town."  
"Tell that to the look on your face that you get every time he comes through our front door." Zayn watched Louis sadly.  
"You know I can't. Even if I wanted to, I can't Zayn."  
"You can't or you won't?" Zayn frowned, rising from the couch and heading back to his own room, leaving Louis to wonder what exactly he had gotten himself into with the curly haired boy sleeping next to him.  
~  
The bell on the door jingled as Louis walked into the shop. Harry's head popped up when he noticed the older boy, sending him a quick smile, before turning back to the customer.  
"Who are you smiling at H," the boy at the counter said, turning to look around, his eyes stopping on Louis. "Ahhhhh. I know who you are."  
"Um," Louis stuttered, confusion clouding his face. "Uh-"  
"Chill kid, I'm not going to tell anyone." The boy was tall and extremely muscular, making Louis itch to grab the knife in his waistband.  
Harry must have noticed the unease on his face as he hurried forward, placing a hand on Louis' shoulder. "Lou, this is my brother Liam. Sorry for him being an idiot."  
Liam chuckled, rubbing a large hand on the back of his neck. "I'm just going to say that if you mess with Harry I promise you that I will rip your arms out of their sockets."  
"We're just friends, I don't know what you're talking about," Louis mumbled, moving Harry's hand from its place on his shoulder. He looked away when he saw the sad look that flashed across green eyes.  
"Right," Liam huffed, his eyebrows raising as he looked between the two. "Well, I should probably head home before Niall burns the house down. You coming home for dinner tonight, Haz?"  
"Yeah, maybe, save me some just in case?" Harry replied, giving his older brother a puppy-dog pout. Liam just laughed, waving as he headed out the door and around the block.  
Louis coughed, edging his way towards the back room, waggling his eyebrows at Harry.  
"I don't know, Louis," Harry frowned, his eyebrows furrowing. "’Just friends’ don't give blowjobs in the back room of a grocery store."  
"They do if they whisper ‘no homo’ before going down on each other."  
"You are very much homo, Louis Tomlinson."  
"No arguments there."  
Harry shook his head with a smile as he reached to flip the sign to “closed,” and followed the older boy into the back.  
~  
"So," Harry began, zipping up his jeans.  
"Hmm?" Louis hummed, shaking the daze from his head.  
"You and Zayn wanna come over to my place for dinner?”  
"Why on earth would I do that?" Louis snorted, looking at his reflection in a metal cart to fix his hair.  
"You're my friend. I've met your brother, you should meet my siblings." Louis tried his best to avoid looking into Harry's pouting stare. Of course, he failed.  
"Yeah, alright, alright. We can pick up Zayn and go over?"  
Harry smiled brightly, jumping up and down with a little cheer. "You'll love them, Lou."  
Louis just nodded tersely, ignoring the nagging feeling in his stomach that made him wonder if they'd like him back.  
He followed Harry out of the back room and the two headed home before he could change his mind.  
~  
"The girl in the kitchen is Gemma, my biological sister. However, as you can tell I got the good looking genes."  
"Yeah, let's see how good you look when I knock your fucking teeth out," came a sharp voice from what Louis assumed to be the kitchen. A blonde girl in a sweatshirt peeked around the corner to look at them. She had Harry's sharp jawline and Louis could tell her eyes shined just as brightly as the boy next to him.  
"Moving on, you've already met my half brother Li," Harry continued, nodding at the tall boy stretched out on the couch who lifted a hand in greeting, looking Louis in the eye. He looked over at Zayn who was standing slightly behind and eyed him up and down, quirking an eyebrow. Zayn blushed, looking away quickly.  
"Lastly," Harry continued, seeming to have missed the odd exchange, "this is Niall."  
"Don't sound so thrilled, H," the boy piped up, looking up from the video game he was playing, and shooting a grin at the two guests.  
"Great to meet you all. I've heard so much about you," Louis said smoothly, swallowing the butterflies threatening to come up in his throat.  
"We've heard more than enough about you," Liam snorted, "you're all this boy talks-"  
He was cut off as a pillow came from nowhere, smacking him in the nose.  
"Oops," Harry smiled cheekily, hiding his hands behind his back.  
"Alright, alright, settle down hooligans, food’s ready." The smell of the meal drifted from the table as Gemma put down platters of chicken onto the place-mats.  
"Thank you very much," Zayn mumbled, sitting down next to Louis. "For, um, having us."  
Louis listened to the group talk about their jobs, school, and who they had run into, slowly chewing the food in front of him. He didn't offer much to the conversation, nodding when it seemed appropriate and answering questions aimed at him personally.  
Louis had just taken a drink of water, when he felt a hand on his knee. Resisting the initial spit-take reaction, he looked at Harry with a sharp glare. The younger boy ignored him, carrying on the conversation he was having with Zayn about some teacher at their school. The hand slowly started working its way up to his thigh, rubbing small circles as it went.  
"Bathroom," Louis blurted loudly, standing up suddenly.  
"Second floor, third door on the right," Gemma responded, the corners of her mouth twitching up. Louis excused himself quickly, darting for the stairs. Making it to the bathroom, he stood in front of the sink, looking at himself in the mirror. What kind of bastard got somebody hard at a family dinner? Disrespectful is what it was.  
As expected, someone knocked on the door two minutes later. Louis flung it open, pulling Harry inside and pinning him against the wall.  
"What do you think you're doing?" he whispered fiercely, fingers working on the buttons on Harry's shirt.  
Harry barked out a laugh, which quickly turned into a moan as Louis pulled the shirt over his head and began kissing along his neck.  
"Watching you with my family," Harry cut off with another whimper, "makes me so turned on."  
"You should probably get that checked out Curly," Louis muttered, pulling his own shirt over his head.  
"Or I could just blow you," Harry muttered into Louis' mouth, getting down on his knees.  
They got dressed quickly when they were done, heading down the stairs.  
"Nice of you to rejoin us," Liam acknowledged, taking a drink of his soda.  
"Next time you should probably make sure you put on the right clothes," Niall pointed out, nodding to the fact that Harry was now wearing Louis' shirt.  
Louis just shrugged, took his seat again and pretended not to notice when Harry smiled at him from the corner of his eye (even if he hid his own fond smile into a bite of mashed potatoes).  
~  
“Styles, Tomlinson, get out of my freezer room, and make sure your clothes are on,” Grimshaw yelled, banging on the door of the backroom. The two teenagers laughed loudly, making moaning noises from the other side of the door. “You bastards! Don’t make a mess!”  
“It’s not like you haven’t seen me do worse,” Harry called, pulling his shirt over his ruffled hair.  
It wasn’t that Louis was jealous of Harry and Nick, he just happened to always appear in between Harry and the store owner whenever the two were within touching distance. Not that it bothered him that he wasn’t the only one Harry was with. They had never said they were exclusive. Harry made it obvious that he hooked up with other people, and well, Louis claimed he did too.  
"I'm kicking your lover boy out of my store until you get some work done," grouched Grimmy, looking up from his clipboard when the boys finally stumbled out of the room. "Louis is here so often you'd think he worked in this place."  
"You definitely do some work," Harry purred into Louis' ear, flipping off the store owner when he gave a disgusted sounding groan.  
"Actually that's not a half bad idea," Louis mused, "I might as well work for you, Grimshaw. Could use the extra money to get something for Zayn for Christmas."  
"I guess I could use a security guard, keep the little brats around the neighborhood from ripping me off."  
"I could-"  
"I swear to God Tomlinson, if I get sued because you wound some kid-"  
"What kind of person do you take me for?"  
"You don't want me to answer that."  
Louis rolled his eyes, punching Harry in the stomach when the younger boy giggled at the banter. "So am I hired or what?"  
"You start tomorrow."  
"You know, Grimmy," Louis started, "I'd kiss you for doing this, but sadly you are not my type."  
"I thank the creator above everyday for that, Tommo, my boy." Nick clapped Louis on the shoulder with a snort before heading out of the room.  
When he was gone Harry leaned into Louis' ear. "If you're my coworker does this mean we can't fuck anymore?" The question made Louis laugh and push the younger boy away from him with a snort.  
"I'm sure that no one is going to stop us, Curly."  
~  
“I’m just saying that if aliens were going to land on this planet-”  
“Harry, stop being an idiot,”  
“I think the word you are looking for is logical-”  
“Idiot.”  
“Is that an ‘I think you’re cute’ idiot or-”  
“That literally wasn’t what I was implying at all.”  
Harry laid his head in its usual position on Louis’ lap and frowned up at the older boy. They had been in the same spot for almost six hours, and neither of the two had even flinched when Liam and Zayn had stumbled past them some time past midnight. Although, the sounds coming from Zayn’s room proved to them that neither of them was horribly injured. There was an odd comfort in sitting and talking with Harry about nothing and Louis felt like he could do it for the rest of his life. This fact in itself had the smaller boy in a fit of restlessness. He didn’t know what he felt about Harry, but he knew that the curly haired boy in his arms made him feel like he was on fire.  
“What are you thinking about?” Harry’s eyes were closed as he murmured the words into Louis’ arm.  
“I’m thinking it’s four in the morning and Grimshaw is going to kill us if we come in late again,” Louis laughed airily.  
“Wasn’t m’ fault,” Harry mumbled, his words coming out slower than normal.  
“You were the one that- never mind. Go to sleep, Mumbles.”  
“Will you be here when I wake up?”  
“Okay.” Louis brushed the hair out of the boy’s eyes, mentally punching himself for giving in so easily.  
“Love you, you know.” Louis froze, his eyes widening. This was definitely not a part of the plan. Harry fell asleep quickly, his mouth slightly agape and Louis wondered how the boy could be so peaceful when he had just released a storm. A storm that was never going to end well in any lifetime.  
He eased out from under the sleeping form, mentally thanking the heavens that the boy was such a heavy sleeper and half-ran, half-stumbled into Zayn’s room. “Shit, shit, shit. Zayn wake up, I fucked up. I have to get out.”  
“Louis?” Zayn mumbled, confusion clouding his voice. “What the fuck?”  
“Everything ok?” Came Liam’s deep voice, sounding two octaves lower than when he was fully awake.  
“Zayn-” Louis cried, his voice cracking, from either anxiety or an attempt at being quiet.  
Zayn slipped out of the bed, pulling on a shirt to cover the bruises that were starting to form on his neck and torso. “I’ll be back, Li. Stay here.” Liam nodded drowsily, burrowing back into the blankets.  
Louis stomped his feet slightly, trying to get feeling back into his bones.  
“I can’t. He said. Can’t hurt him.” Louis’ words came out in small short bursts, the air never making it to his lungs. He wrapped his arms around his own small body, shaking back and forth slowly.  
Zayn pulled him out onto the front porch, closing the door softly to avoid waking the others sleeping inside. The soft glow of the streetlights reflected off the windows, placing the two boys in a dim shadow.  
“Louis, I need you to calm down for me please,” Zayn’s voice seeped into Louis’ brain, soothing him enough to take a few breaths. “Tell me what’s wrong.”  
“Harry was falling asleep, and right before he passed out, he… he said he loved me.” Louis could feel the cold air closing around them, his words adding to the pressure as his body seemed to collapse in on itself.  
“Shit,” Zayn cursed, steadying the older boy. “What are you going to do?”  
“I can’t, I can’t keep doing this Zayn. I can’t risk him like that. Who knows when some fucking homophobic rat will take it too far. You know what they did to that boy a few years ago. I’m not letting that happen to Harry.”  
“People have changed, Lou. Not everyone is like that anymore.” Zayn rubbed small circles on Louis’ arm, his brow furrowed thoughtfully.  
“Love is a word used by people who are better off than us, Zayn. Love is for the rich and the happy. Love is for people who people who aren't Louis Tomlinson. I’ll just have to tell him that I don’t care about him as much as he cares about me.”  
“Oh.” The soft sound came from the door and Louis spun around. There stood Harry with his curls splayed in every direction and his jeans creased in odd places from sleeping in them. His eyes were wide, and his jaw locked, as he stared at Louis with what looked like a mixture of embarrassment and betrayal.  
“Shit,” Zayn whispered again, fumbling in his pocket for a cigarette and a lighter and hurrying off down the sidewalk.  
“How much of that did you hear?” Louis sighed, his heart pounding quickly.  
“Enough,” Harry muttered, slipping past Louis and heading down the road towards his own home.  
“Fuck,” Louis breathed as he watched the figure get smaller and smaller until he was out of sight, but most definitely not out of mind.  
~  
ZAYN POV  
"Lou, Lou, Lou," Zayn called from the kitchen, his voice filtering in under the door. "I made breakfast and I don't think it looks half bad!"  
“I don’t want any.”  
“Come on, bro. You haven’t come out of your room since Har-”  
“I’m fine.”  
Zayn shook his head, grabbing the plate of food. Knocking quietly, he waited outside the door. “Please open the door.” Footsteps approached the door, a quiet grumble sounding closer.  
“What do you want?” Zayn cringed inwardly looking at his brother. His hair was sticking out at odd ends and a normally clean shaven face now could be compared to a caveman.  
“You look like shit.”  
“Way to beat around the bush, Z.” Louis’ frown deepened as he stared at Zayn with tired eyes.  
“Have you not showered in a week or did something die in your room?”  
“It could be the latter if you don’t shut up.” The scowl slowly disappeared and Louis looked up at Zayn slowly. “Do I really look that bad?”  
“Awful,” Zayn snorted, putting a hand on Louis’ shoulder. “Let’s get you into the shower, and also shave your face.”  
“Grimmy probably fired me by now. I’m not going back there,” his voice cracked, and he coughed to cover it quickly.  
“I’ll run and get groceries. You stay here and get cleaned up.” Zayn handed his older brother some clean clothes and aimed him in the direction of the bathroom. Once he heard the water running, he slipped out of the house and headed down the street.  
The bell on the door rang as he went inside and he quickly scanned the aisles.  
“Zayn? Haven’t seen you here in ages mate. Where’s Louis?” Grimshaw walked out of the backroom with a clipboard, a pencil tucked behind his ear.  
“Sorry Grimmy, Lou’s been sick the past couple days, he says he wants to apologize for not calling.” The lie slipped from Zayn’s mouth quickly. Covering for Louis was something Zayn was an expert at.  
A loud bark of laughter came from the doorway and the skinny boy turned around, his heart beating quickly. “Sick? Tell Louis to feel better.” Liam stood his ground, eyeing Zayn with a look of disdain.  
“Liam.” The name sounded a lot more breathless than it was intended, but it made the taller boy’s eyes immediately soften.  
“Hello, Zayn.”  
“Well, I seem to be interrupting something. I’m just going to slip to the back and recount the 200 cans that I have already counted.” Grimmy left with a snicker, his shoes squeaking on the ground as he spun out of the room.  
“I’m sorry my broth-”  
“I’m sorry about wh-”  
The two boys stopped with nervous laughter, both motioning for the other to continue their sentence.  
“Louis is really torn up about what happened,” Zayn began, a frown forming on his lips.  
“Rightly so, I’d say,” Liam stated simply, crossing his arms. “Harry is no better. He’s been moping around for the past week. At least he had the decency to come into work.”  
“Tell him I said sorry?”  
“You didn’t break his heart,” Liam said slowly, “You know, Louis didn’t have to lead him on like that. He could have just told Harry that he didn’t feel anything.”  
Zayn shook his head, “That’s where the problem is. Louis really cares about Harry.”  
“That’s not what it looked like when I got home and Harry was crying to Gemma about how Louis had basically said he wasn’t anything more than a warm mouth.” A disgusted look had appeared on Liam’s face, his brow furrowing together.  
“I know that’s what it looked like, but Harry only heard half of the conversation. Louis was saying how he didn’t want Harry to get hurt.” Zayn felt like he was begging.  
“Harry is a big boy, Zayn. He can take care of himself.”  
“You haven’t met our father.”  
Liam froze, his eyes darting down to Zayn’s side, then back up. “Wait, Zayn. That scar on your stomach-”  
“Shit, ok yeah, but it’s nothing. Louis took care of it. He worked a bunch of extra jobs to pay for my stitches, too. Told them I fell off my bike.” Absentmindedly, his hands reached down to feel the scar under his shirt. Ben had gotten extra drunk one night while Louis was out, and a kitchen knife had been thrown a hair too close to some vital organs.  
Liam swore, his fingers shaking slightly as if he wanted to reach out, but was unsure of whether he should or not. “Your dad still in the can?”  
“Should be, haven’t heard about a prison break yet.” The joke fell flat as Liam took a step closer, brushing a stray hair from the smaller boy’s face.  
“If you ever need us, you know where to come.”  
“Thanks, Li. I should probably get home. Have to make sure Louis didn’t drown himself while I was out.” Zayn looked up at Liam, laughing at the wide-eyed look he was getting. “I’m kidding, Louis isn't the type to do that kind of shit over a broken heart. He’s a strong boy.”  
“Right. Well, see you around?” The question was loaded, and Zayn smirked.  
“Come around some ti-” He was cut off as Liam swooped in quickly, placing a chaste kiss on his lips.  
“See you later.”  
Zayn walked out of the store, ducking his head quickly to hide the blush spreading on his cheeks. He whistled softly to himself as he walked home, trying to avoid the nagging voice in his head that said he was going to end up in the same boat as his brother.  
Louis was on the couch when Zayn walked into the house, snoring over the noise of the TV. It made the younger boy smile to notice how much better Louis looked now that he had cleaned up. It wasn’t much, but it was a start, and Louis was going to be ok.  
~  
LOUIS POV  
Louis woke up some time after midnight with a crick in his neck. Silently cursing Zayn for not waking him up, he slipped into the kitchen to get a bite to eat. He stopped outside the door when he heard whispers.  
“I told him about what you said.” What was Liam doing in his house? He’d have to have a word with Zayn about this.  
“He say anything?” There was a small pause and the sound of chips crunching.  
“He’s still hurt, Zayn. He said he has to think about some stuff. I found a bunch of army magazines under his bed. It’s got Gemma worried sick.” There was the sound of chairs moving around and Louis tiptoed back towards the couch. He feigned sleep as the two other boys came out of the kitchen. Zayn pulled a blanket over Louis’ still body and closed his bedroom door behind him and Liam.  
As the door shut, Louis climbed off the creaking couch, heading towards the door. Throwing on a pair of shoes, he rushed into the cold night. He ran as fast as he could towards the Styles household and skidded to a stop when he arrived in the front yard. Jumping the fence, he grabbed a rock and chucked it at what he hoped was Harry’s room. It would be only slightly embarrassing if it wasn’t. But the curtain fluttered and so did Louis’ heart along with it.  
“I have a gun,” came the deep voice from the window. Louis felt his breathing stop.  
“Shit, put that thing down. It’s me.”  
“Louis? What the fuck?” Harry sounded tired, his voice still groggy as if he had just woken up.  
“Come down and bring me a jacket, maybe? It’s fucking cold.” Louis shivered, regretting not grabbing a coat.  
“Fuck,” Harry cursed, “Be down in a second.” The window closed, and Louis waited, his heart pounding quickly. Harry sounded about exhausted as Louis felt. It made him wonder if Harry had not been sleeping either.  
The door creaked open, and Louis felt his hands start to shake. “Hey.”  
“Put this on before you freeze to death.” Harry handed him a jacket, his hands avoiding touching Louis’.  
“Thanks,” Louis whispered, watching Harry’s face as he pulled on the giant sweatshirt with the word Styles on the back.  
“What are you doing here?” Harry’s voice shook, but Louis couldn't tell if it was from the cold or nerves.  
“Harry, I am so sorry. I didn’t mean-” Louis cut off when Harry put up a hand.  
“Liam told me. He saw Zayn down at Grimmy’s shop and Zayn explained.” Harry’s eyes were soft, but he didn’t look at Louis. He kept his eyes pointedly fixed somewhere away from the older boy.  
“Please, Harry.”  
“You know, Louis. I would forgive you in a heartbeat. I would drop anything for you. But what gets me is the fact that you didn’t make me stay when I walked away from you that night. I can’t believe you when you say that you care about me, when you won’t even kiss me.” Harry laughed bitterly, his eyes meeting Louis’ with a cold stare. “We've been hanging out for months and you have never kissed me except for during sex, even then its rare. It’s like you don’t even want me.”  
“Fuck,” Louis cursed, his voice cracking as he tried to work through his thoughts. “Harry, God, I want you. No one could ever not want you. I’m stupid and I fucked up. It’s hard, Harry. I've never gotten close to someone, and you make me feel like I’m drowning sometimes. Whenever you even look at me I feel like I can’t breathe.”  
Harry looked at him sadly. “Louis-”  
“No, shit, Harry, let me finish. I don’t fucking fall in love. It’s never happened, and I tried to avoid letting it ever happen. But you showed up, and its like any self control I had has gone out the fucking window. I care about you so much Harry, and I am so sorry.” Louis was out of breath, and he felt like his heart was going to explode from beating so quickly. He took a step closer to the younger boy. Harry looked shocked, his eyes locked on Louis.  
“Will you go on a walk with me?”  
“I just fucking spilled my thoughts to you like a little bitch and you want to go on a walk? Yeah, ok, why not.” Louis gave Harry a confused look before following the boy to the park. Their footsteps seemed loud in the quiet of the neighborhood.  
“What do you think would happen if Chicago was run over by giant lions?” Harry mused, taking a seat on the first swing.  
Louis took the seat next to him, slowly kicking his feet in and out to gain some momentum. “I think that there would be a lot of giant footprints that we could turn into swimming pools.”  
Harry laughed, his eyes sparkling brighter than the stars around them. “I think they’d be nice lions. They just wouldn’t know their own strength, you know? They would probably be sad when everyone started running away from them.”  
“You wouldn’t run though, would you, Curly?” Louis said, watching the boy as he stared up at the moon. The swing creaked as he moved back and forth.  
“I like to think I wouldn’t. It would be nice to trust that they wouldn’t step on me. They probably just want someone to love them, even if they are pretty scary.”  
“You seem to love a lot of scary things.”  
“You aren't very scary.”  
Louis play-growled, making his hands into claws. “Say that again pretty boy.”  
“Spiders are scary. Louis Tomlinson? Not so much.”  
“That’s it, I’ll show you scary!” Louis growled, jumping off his swing and pushing Harry into the sand. Harry screamed of laughter.  
“Oh no! You ferocious beast!”  
The two laughed and Louis smiled, staring down at the beautiful boy underneath him. Harry smiled up at him, his eyes shining.  
“Stop me, if you don’t want me to,” Louis murmured, leaning down towards the younger boy. Harry gasped as Louis pressed their lips together. Louis moved his hands through Harry’s hair, pulling him closer until their foreheads were touching. The cold air hit their lungs as they breathed into each other’s mouths. Harry was bigger than Louis, and easily flipped their position so that he was on top. They kept it slow, savoring the quiet moment.  
Louis whined when they finally broke apart for air. He attempted to pull the younger boy back to him, but Harry just laughed. He pulled Louis to his feet and walked him towards a tree. Louis felt his back hit the wood, and half a second after, Harry’s warm body attached to his chest. Their lips met again and Louis never wanted it to stop. He knew this was never going to end well, but it was worth it to feel Harry’s soft lips on his own.  
“Harry,” Louis murmured, his lips numb.  
“Yes, love?” Harry whispered, kissing at Louis ear.  
“We should get going, Zayn is gonna be worried.” Louis stopped, suddenly remembering, “wait, Harry, I overheard Liam saying something about the Army?”  
Harry frowned, pausing as he moved his lips over the shorter boy’s jaw, “It’s nothing, just some stuff for ROTC.”  
“All right, yeah, good,” Louis muttered swallowing his worry. His arms snaking around Harry’s large back, pulling him closer.  
“I’m not going anywhere, babe. Not now.”  
“Okay,” Louis breathed. “Now we really need to get going. You coming back to mine?”  
“Am I being invited to a sleepover?” Harry exclaimed sarcastically.  
“Fuck you, is what you were invited to,” Louis laughed, pushing the bigger boy off of him.  
“I wouldn’t mind that either, I haven’t gotten laid since, we-” Harry broke off.  
“You didn’t get Nick to fuck you or something?” Louis tried to hide the the smugness from his voice.  
“Haven’t hooked up with Nick since we started. Haven’t hooked up with anyone except you actually.” Harry looked sheepish, ducking to hide the blush on his face.  
Louis smirked, raising his eyebrows. “Yeah, well, I’m not surprised. Have you seen my ass?”  
“It’s the best ass in this side of Chicago,” Harry purred into Louis’ ear. “Let’s head home before we violate some law about public sex.”  
Louis swallowed, following Harry back to the Tomlinson household.  
~  
“What are you looking at, shit head?” Louis glared at Zayn.  
“You two are cute,” the other boy snickered, staring at the way Harry was tucked in to Louis’ side.  
“Yeah, he never seems to get enough sleep. Always passes out when he gets here.” Louis stared down at the boy next to him.  
“You seem happier, Lou,” Zayn observed, watching the way his older brother tucked a curl behind Harry’s ear.  
“Fixed some stuff, got my head out of my ass.”  
“He got anything to do with it?”  
“I like how he smells.” Zayn scoffed, walking away and leaving Louis with the sleeping boy. It had been a few weeks since they’d made up, and Louis didn’t feel like he was drowning anymore. Harry was warm and constant and Louis never wanted him to leave. They kissed a lot more, each time making Louis feel bubbly and stupid. It was nice.  
Louis still refused to show any kind of affection outside of either of their homes, and he knew it made Harry upset. The curly haired thorn in his side was so naive when it came to how homophobic their town was. Louis was saving both of their backsides by keeping them out of the public eye. He could live with Harry being a little upset if it meant he was safe.  
The couch creaked as Harry shifted, stirring himself from his sleep. His eyelashes fluttered as he blinked the sleep from his eyes and stared up at Louis.  
“Morning, Curly,” Louis murmured, running his fingers up and down Harry’s arm. Harry responded with a faint groan, turning his head to bury it in Louis’ stomach. “Get off me, you big oaf.”  
“Lou,” Harry hummed, his voice muffled as he spoke into the older boy’s shirt. “‘M hungry.”  
“All I’m good for is burnt eggs or soggy cereal, sorry lad.”  
Harry sighed, rolling off of Louis. Wandering into the kitchen, his legs deer-like from grogginess, he rummaged in the cabinets for a skillet. Gathering eggs and milk, he set to work.  
“What are you making for me, Styles?” Louis shouted, unmoved from the couch.  
“Who says I’m making anything for you?”  
“You’re using my kitchen.”  
“Yeah, well I also used your ass the other night.”  
Louis grumbled and gave Harry the finger before spreading back out on the couch and flipping on the TV.  
“Here you go, bastard,” Harry said, the fondness oozing from his voice. He handed Louis a second plate and settled down in between the older boys legs.  
“Thank you, love,” Louis muttered around the bite of food he was placing in his mouth. “This is so good, what the fuck Harry? You’ve been holding out on me!”  
“‘S nothing,” Harry blushed, ducking his head at the praise.  
“Nothing? This is the best bloody omelet I’ve ever had in my entire life.”  
“You don’t have much of a basis. It’s not like you or Zayn can cook.” Harry chuckled, heat rising in his cheeks.  
“I would kiss you right now, but this egg is better than you.”  
“Ouch.”  
“Ok, not really, but-”  
“That’s it.” The eggs were forgotten on the coffee table as Harry tackled Louis into the sofa, his hands immediately slipping through Louis’ soft hair, and pulling their open, laughing mouths together like the final pieces of a puzzle. Louis felt complete.  
~  
"Louis."  
"Harold."  
"Louis."  
"Babe."  
"Louis."  
"Harriet."  
An exasperated sigh came from the other side of the door. Louis smirked, sitting against the door and pushing back against it as hard as he could.  
"I can always go home, you know," Harry grumbled, banging on the door.  
"I still have your clothes," Louis shot back, laughing at his own genius. When Harry had gone to take a quick shower, Louis had snuck in and taken all of his clothes, locking them inside his room.  
"You're a menace, Tomlinson."  
"Don't you fucking forget it, Styles." There was another sigh and a thump as Harry sunk to a sitting position on the other side of the door. They sat back to back, only the piece of wood in between them.  
The silence was only broken as the telephone rang, making them both jump. "Dammit," Louis muttered. The telephone was on the other side of the door. He weighed his options, before opening the door and running for the phone. Harry did a victory cheer, diving for his clothes in the bedroom. Louis huffed, clicking answer on the phone.  
"Tomlinson household."  
There was static before the answer came through, "Is this Louis Tomlinson?"  
"Depends on who's asking."  
"This is the state Penitentiary. Your father-"  
"Stepfather."  
"Right. Ben Winston. He's being released on parole tomorrow. Let out for overcrowding. It's guideline that we alert the family in advance."  
Louis dropped the phone. His heart sank with him as he slid to the ground, his back against the hard side of the couch. He felt like he had been hit by a semi-truck that was barreling 100 miles straight into his sanity.  
"Hello?" The static fizzled as Louis picked the phone back up.  
"Thanks, um, for the warning. I'll see him tomorrow then."  
"Thank you for your time, Mr. Tomlinson." The line clicked dead and Louis felt his heart go right along with it.  
"Who was that?" Harry asked, pulling his shirt over his head as he walked into the main room. He stopped suddenly, noticing Louis' vacant eyes and slumped position against the furniture. "Lou?"  
"My- Ben is coming back tomorrow."  
"Shit."  
"Yeah." Louis looked up, his breathing shallow. The younger boy walked forward to take a seat. He leaned against the couch next to Louis, grabbing one of the smaller boys hands in his own huge ones. The older boy stared at their intertwined hands before staring up at the ceiling.  
"Should I stop coming over?" Harry breathed, not daring to look at the other boy. Louis sighed, his breath sounding shaky.  
"For awhile. Only until I say it's safe." Louis ignored the pain that flashed across Harry's eyes. It was only going to make things worse.  
"Can I stay tonight?" Louis could hear the pleading in the younger boy's voice and he looked over. Harry's eyes were pained. Louis held back the emotions threatening to rise up in his chest.  
"You can stay." Louis took his hand out of Harry's, easing to his feet. "Let's go to bed?"  
The boy nodded, his curly-hair flopping into his face as he stood up quickly. The two slipped into the bedroom taking their time to explore each other in a way that was slower than their usual haste. Harry made every square-inch of Louis' body feel like he was in heaven. It was ironic, since hell was going to be at their front door in the morning.  
~  
Zayn was on a ladder when Louis walked up the driveway. He had walked Harry home, saying a quick goodbye and a promise of maybe’s. The painful thoughts of what was coming next were there but Louis blocked them out. Instead, he steadied the ladder and looked up at his brother who was hammering in nails with unneeded force. The “Welcome Home, Ben” sign looked a little worse for wear from it’s repeated uses.  
“This thing looks like shit,” Louis said.  
Zayn looked down squinting from the sun,, “The fact that I have to put it up is shit.”  
Louis nodded, stepping away as Zayn climbed down the ladder. Their anxiety rose as the cop car pulled up the driveway with the hellish figure in the backseat.  
“Boys!” the older man bellowed, clamoring out of the backseat. He ignored the looks of relief from the officers as his towering figure walked further from their own presence and closer to the boys.  
“Hey Pops,” Zayn said, forcing a smile on his face. Ben looked the same; his dark hair only slightly graying, and a wicked smile plastered on his face in front of authority.  
“Don’t get in trouble again, Ben, you break your parole and you come right back,” The larger police officer warned, climbing back into the car. The other officer gave a look of pity to the family before following. Ben waited until they were down the street before turning to look at the boys. His smile faded quickly, giving each of the boys a look of vicious disdain.  
“How much money do you have on you?” This was predictable; the boys obeyed and promptly handed some dollar bills from their pockets. “Right, well I’m going to the pub. House better be clean by the time I’m back.” Louis nodded sharply, mentally shooting daggers at the older man’s back as he lumbered down the sidewalk.  
“Welcome back, Dad,” Louis muttered, shaking his head. He reached his arm around the other boy’s shoulder and headed into the house.  
“Make sure Liam doesn’t come over while the asshole is around,” Louis muttered, joining his brother on the couch with leftover pizza. Zayn chuckled bitterly.  
“I told Liam it would be best if I hung out with some girls just to get Ben off my back for awhile. I think we broke up, but I don’t think we started to begin with.”  
“You upset about it?” Louis responded around a bite of pizza.  
“Not as much as I thought I would be. What about you and Harry?”  
“Being careful.”  
Zayn nodded, “Don’t be too careful… you don’t want to lose him.”  
“Would that be so bad? The kid could do so much better than me.” Louis shook his head, letting his fringe flop into his eyes.  
“He’s the best thing to ever happen to you, Louis.”  
“No, you’re the best thing to ever happen to me, you piece of utter shit. Harry just isn’t too far behind you.” Louis laughed, pushing Zayn away from him and covering his admission as a joke.  
“I think that’s the nicest thing you have ever said to me,” Zayn said, wiping a fake tear from his eyes.  
“I take it back.”  
“No take backs.”  
Louis rolled his eyes. Zayn was right, Harry was one of the best things to happen to him. It wasn’t something that could be replaced easily, and Louis didn’t plan on letting Harry go anytime soon.  
~  
“I fucking told you to get some more cigarettes.”  
“No, you didn’t. Ben, you’re drunk; I’m going to need you to leave.” It took Louis all his willpower to remain calm during another one of Ben’s storms.  
“It’s my fucking house, you ungrateful piece of shit! You’re lucky I still let you live here after your trashy mother died!” Ben grabbed Louis by the neck, pinning him to the wall. He leaned into Louis ear with a low growl, “You’re a pathetic excuse for a boy. No one is ever going to love you and you’ll be stuck here with me for the rest of your miserable life.”  
“Fuck you, Ben. You’re fucking drunk.” Louis coughed, struggling to free himself from the larger man’s grip. He hoped Zayn had cleared out to avoid any other backlash.  
Ben dropped him, giving him a glare before punching him in the nose. Blood gushed, making Louis drop to his knees and gripping his nose to stop the flow. “Fuck, what the fuck Ben?”  
Ben grumbled to himself, stumbling from the house and leaving Louis on the ground. The boy coughed, heaving himself to the bathroom to stop the bleeding. Ben had been back for a week and he had already punched Louis three times. It was a record, if he was being honest.  
Zayn came into the bathroom a few minutes later with a warm rag and an ice pack.  
“I thought you got out of here,” Louis remarked, wiping the blood from his chin. He pulled his shirt over his head, throwing it to the ground to be washed later.  
“I locked myself in my room. I wanted to come help you, but I knew you would be pissed if I didn’t get out.” Zayn shook his head helplessly.  
“I don’t want you getting in his way, Z. Let me handle it. After the last time he got you…”  
Zayn picked up the bloody laundry from the ground, leaving Louis to finish cleaning up while he placed them in the washing machine.  
The two boys flopped into Zayn’s bed together letting out a sigh at the same time. Louis looked over at his younger brother with a sad smile. “We could kill him, you know. Might be easier.”  
“He’s on parole. I’d be with you, but the cops would know he is missing.”  
“Could be worth it.”  
“Louis,” Zayn sighed, rolling over to look at his older brother. “It wouldn’t be worth the years. You wouldn’t be able to see Harry.”  
“You’d be safe.”  
“I’m fine, Louis. I can take care of myself. Have you even contacted Harry since he came back?”  
Louis shook his head. “Don’t want to risk it. He seems to be worse than before.”  
“He’s going out with some drinking buddies this weekend. Probably going to get too intoxicated to make it home, knowing him. Call up your boy.” Zayn gave Louis a push, kicking him off the bed.  
Louis gave him the finger as he walked towards the door. As he closed it behind him he leaned back in quickly. “Thanks, Z.”  
“No problem, you brat. Now get out of my room.”  
Louis laughed, closing the door behind him.  
~  
“Ben’s going out tonight, you should come over.”  
“You sure?” Harry stopped as he was restocking a shelf and looked back at Louis. It was the first time the two of them had a shift together in a few days. They were trying their best to not drop everything to go to the backroom.  
“I mean, Zayn is going out with Perrie so we would have the house to ourselves. Unless you don’t want to which whatever-” Louis rambled, looking down at a inventory sheet.  
“Louis.”  
“Yeah?”  
“Of course I’d love to come over, you idiot,” Harry laughed.  
Louis breathed a silent sigh of relief. Harry wasn’t completely done with him yet. “Cool, yeah. Missed ya’.” The words slipped out before he could stop himself and he hastily shut his mouth.  
“It’s pretty hard not to miss me,” Harry smirked, noticing the red in Louis’ cheeks. “I’m the best person you know.”  
“Shut up, Styles,” Louis snorted, throwing a pack of gum in Harry’s direction. The younger boy ducked, running at Louis with a laugh.  
“Want to take this to the backroom?” Harry whispered into Louis’ ear, pinning him against the check-out counter. “There’s only so much my own hand can do.”  
The shivers went up Louis’ arms, like a wildfire spreading through a forest, as he pushed Harry off of him, practically darting to the back. “Don’t make me wait, Harold.”  
“Wouldn't dream of it.”  
~  
There was a knock at Louis’ first floor window soon after Ben left. Louis peered outside with a look of confusion. The bushes shook as Harry popped his head up, staring at Louis.  
“Rapunzel, Rapunzel, let down your hair,” he whispered, touching the window sill. Louis laughed, pulling Harry into the room.  
“You could have come through the front door like a sane person. And I’m not some Princess either, you shit head.”  
“Forgive me, fair maiden,” Harry said solemnly, taking a bow. He got down on one knee, taking Louis’ hand. “Would you do me the honor of letting me fuck you on your childhood bed?”  
“You’re a fucking idiot,” Louis snorted, pushing Harry down onto the mattress.  
“You love it,” Harry laughed, pulling Louis’ shirt over his head. They kissed; lips meeting in the air as they tumbled onto the bed, too caught up to bother shutting the door. That was the first mistake.  
The front door of the house flew open as Ben barged through, yelling about forgetting something. He froze, staring into the bedroom, eyes locked on Louis’. The smaller boy jumped up, pushing Harry away from him as Ben charged forward with a scream. “What the fuck?” He roared, seizing Louis by the neck. Harry reached forward pulling at the older man’s arm without success. Ben jerked around, throwing Harry against the far wall. The boy stumbled into the dresser, falling to his knees with a cry.  
“Don’t fucking hurt him,” Louis stuttered through the hand suffocating him.  
“My own goddamn house!” Ben screamed. He threw Louis to the ground before breaking the boy’s nose with a curt kick to the face. Blood spurted from his nose as Louis crumpled to the ground. “Fucking faggot! I’ll straighten you out.” Ben stumbled from the room after a jolt at Louis’ stomach. He grabbed the phone from the hall, dialing a number. “Send me a whore.”  
Louis painfully groaned, looking for Harry. The younger boy was slouched against the dresser, a bruise starting to turn purple against his eye.  
“Get out,” Louis mumbled, gripping his ribs. They felt broken. The words barely came out. Harry shot Louis a blank stare before attempting to crawl for the window.  
Ben came back, grabbing Harry’s leg and pulling him back to the ground. “You’re going to fucking watch.” As he spoke, a beautiful women knocked on the bedroom door.  
“Eleanor,” Ben growled, pointing to Louis. “You know what to do.”  
Louis swallowed a sob as the prostitute crawled on to the bed. It was really quite ironic that someone who was supposed to be his guardian was quite literally trying to fuck the gay out of him. Louis refused to look at the shattered boy in the corner as he let the girl do her job. Maybe his stepfather was proud of him now.  
~  
The can flew off the barrel as the bullet busted through the center. The echo of the gun bounced around the abandoned building as Louis reloaded unconsciously. The memories were still fresh, even though two blurred weeks had gone by since the incident. Ben was treating Louis like a human being again, though it was probably because Eleanor was making frequent stops at the Tomlinson household. He made sure to pop a few pills every time she came over, just to dull the pain of what he was doing. Harry hadn't called. Louis didn't know if he would answer if the phone did ring. He tried not to think about it, opting to shoot at whatever he could find lying around. The sound of the gunshot turned off any thoughts he had.  
His rib was still broken from Ben's kick, but the pain in his head and the pain he felt inside seemed to overbalance any hurt in his chest. Louis beat himself up continuously, blaming his own selfish needs for taking it so far with Harry to begin with. He had told himself from the beginning this wasn't going to end well, and he's lucky the other boy is even still alive.  
Zayn had come home sometime a few days later, effectively staying out of Ben's way enough to avoid his wrath. While Ben was gone, Zayn curled up with Louis, silently turning on the TV and staying close to the older boy. There was nothing to say, but his presence was appreciated.  
Now, he spent most of his time in the abandoned building up the street. It was quiet and no one asked him stupid questions. Louis was free to ruin his own life by himself.  
"You just going to shoot at the same thing over and over again?"  
Louis ignored the pain in his chest as his breath stopped at the sound of the voice. How had Harry even found him here? Louis didn't respond, opting to shoot at the can once again.  
"Zayn told me you were here… Are you even going to fucking look at me?" Harry's voice sounded tired and distressed. "It's been two weeks, Lou."  
Louis put the gun down, walking towards the stairs that would take him to the courtyard. He couldn't stand to hear Harry's broken voice anymore. Looking at Harry would probably break everything left in him.  
The sound of footsteps followed, as Harry joined the older boy in the enclosed area. Their breathing was the only sound until the younger boy spoke. "I still love you."  
"Well, fucking don't," Louis hissed, taking a seat on a stone bench. The seat was cold beneath him, but Louis was already shaking. Harry let out a sigh as he walked closer to Louis.  
"Please just- just look at me Louis. Look me in the eye and tell me that you don't love me anymore and I will walk away." Harry kneeled in front of Louis, placing a hand on the smaller boy's knee. Louis cringed, moving away. The red and orange leaves littering the ground crinkled as Harry shifted to follow Louis. "Louis?" Harry said softly, pleadingly.  
Louis looked up, his eyes cold. "I don't."  
Harry looked taken aback. He jumped up and walked a few steps away, staring at Louis with pain clouding his eyes. "That's a lie. You're lying, Louis. You love me and you're gay. Just admit it. Just this once." Harry pleaded. The younger boy swallowed, trying to read Louis' face.  
"You said, if I tell you that I don’t love you, you would leave. Why are you still here?" Louis growled, looking up from the ground. White knuckles and hands clenched, he stared at Harry without a trace of emotion. All the feelings the younger boy had ever been able to pull from Louis were gone. He was shut down, and the walls were rebuilt. Harry's face crumbled at the older boy's words. The pain in his face was almost overbearing, but Louis looked away.  
"Louis-" Harry whispered, his hands shaking. Louis got up quickly, walking for the staircase. The younger boy reached out a hand slowly, placing it on Louis' shoulder. The smaller boy spun around quickly, throwing the hand off of him and pushing Harry to the ground.  
"Don't fucking touch me," Louis hissed, ignoring the electricity that was running through his veins from Harry's touch. Curly hair splayed out on the ground as Harry lay stunned on the leaves. Louis walked away without turning back. Harry never came back up to the abandoned building, and no one saw Louis crouched in the corner, back against the stone, with tears running down his face.  
~  
Zayn clapped Louis’ on the back with a grim smile as the older boy walked through the front door. “Congrats, mate.” The black haired boy cringed, giving Louis a look of pity.  
“For what?” Louis grumbled, his hair sticking up at odd ends from drunkenly passing out in the bushes the night before. He hung his muddy jacket up on the hook and stumbled into the kitchen.  
“Your girl is pregnant,” Zayn said slowly, letting the words sink in. “She stopped by an hour ago with a positive test in hand.”  
“‘S not mine,” Louis laughed coldly, his hands starting to shake.  
“Maybe it is, maybe it isn’t. But you have to do something.”  
Louis blinked slowly, staring at the younger boy aimlessly. Reaching for a bottle on the counter, he let the alcohol slide down his throat, burning it’s way straight to his chest. “Ben’s going to kill me if I ditch her. You know he will.”  
“That only leaves you with one option, Lou.” Zayn warned, his hand snatching at the alcohol.  
“Kill her? Kill myself?” Louis chuckled, his eyes clouding over. The alcohol made the situation seem a lot easier and Louis didn’t want to be sober.  
“Louis.”  
“Zayner.”  
“Stop drinking. You’ve been drunk for almost a week straight. You’re going to kill yourself.”  
“I don’t see a problem with that right now, Z.” Louis said, his hands shaking harder as he took another drink.  
“You’re not thinking straight, Louis,” Zayn hissed, continuing to try and fight for the bottle. Louis effectively avoided handing it over; Zayn could get his own bottle.  
“That’s exactly the problem,” Louis slurred, his own voice making him giggle. “I’ve been trying to think straight! Get it? Straight!” Louis cackled at his own joke, reaching for a high-five. Zayn regarded him with a look of disappointment, shaking his head.  
“This is about Harry isn’t it? You can't drink him away, Louis. It won't work.”  
Louis froze; his eyes turned dark and his lips slid into a scowl. “Not everything is about Harry fucking Styles.”  
“There is no one else that you would drink yourself into oblivion for. Did you talk to him?”  
Louis ignored the question, downing the rest of the bottle and stumbling to the fridge for another.  
“Louis!” Zayn said exasperatedly.  
“Fuck off, Zayn,” Louis growled, pushing the younger boy out of his way as he walked towards his own bedroom.  
“You know Ben is going to make you marry Eleanor right? He won’t pass up the opportunity to show the universe his son is straight as a fucking pole.”  
“Might as well,” Louis snorted, lifting his bottle for a toast. “Wouldn’t want a pregnant prostitute being shunned for premarital sex.”  
Zayn sighed, turning away. Louis stumbled into his bedroom to drink himself out of mind.  
~  
Louis smiled through the ceremony. His father and Zayn were in the front row seats with Eleanor’s family, and their friends sat in a few rows behind them. The room was set up with a few tables of food and streamers hanging over the altar.  
“Eleanor Calder, do you take Louis Tomlinson to be your wedded husband, to live together in marriage? Do you promise to love him, comfort him, honor and keep him for better or worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and health, and forsaking all others, be faithful only to him, for as long as you both shall live?”  
“I do.” Her hair was braided down her back and her dress trailed out behind them. She looked beautiful.  
“Louis Tomlinson, do you take Eleanor Calder to be your wedded wife, to live together in marriage? Do you promise to love her, comfort her, honor and keep her for better or worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and health, and forsaking all others, be faithful only to her, for as long as you both shall live?”  
“Yeah, I guess-” Louis coughed as Eleanor stabbed him in the stomach with her elbow, “I mean yeah, I do.”  
“Now by the power vested in me by the City of Chicago, it is my honor and delight to declare you husband and wife. You may seal this declaration with a kiss.”  
Eleanor leaned in, her lips puckered and slowly approaching Louis’ own. He blinked quickly, leaning forward and pressing his lips to the corner of her mouth. If she noticed, she didn’t move. The crowd erupted into applause as they quickly stepped away, turning to face their friends and family. Louis couldn’t help but notice the one absence in the crowd.  
The ceremony ended quickly after, everyone opting to go get drunk in celebration of the newly weds, and Louis was ready to get wasted. Eleanor joined him in downing a few shots before kissing his cheek and muttering something about going to the bathroom. He waved her off, leaning his head onto the bar top and blocking out the sounds of everyone around him.  
“Nice party. Sorry I missed the wedding.” The voice came from Louis’ left and the smaller boy turned towards the familiar sound. Harry. “Oh, that’s right. I didn’t even get an invite. Funny since I guess you could say that I am the one that helped the lovely bride and groom meet.”  
Louis groaned inwardly, or maybe he did it out loud. He was too drunk to care. Pushing away from the bar, he headed towards the door, walking away from the other boy. Louis heard metal scrape the ground as Harry moved his stool back to follow him. He trailed behind Louis slowly before following the older boy into the alley.  
There was a light thud as Louis suddenly pushed the other thin body against the wall. Leaning against each other, their foreheads touched as shallow breaths came in and out between them. Green stared into blue as they held eye contact. “Please.” Louis said softly, his voice slicing through the silence. Harry reacted immediately, flipping Louis so that the smaller boy’s back was against the wall. His lips ghosted over Louis’ jaw, before moving to connect their mouths. Louis deepened the kiss, biting softly on Harry’s bottom lip before sliding his tongue to explore the other boy’s mouth. It no longer felt like home. Louis placed his hands on Harry’s chest, quickly pushing him away. He ignored the closed off look in Harry’s eyes as he hurried out of the alley. The walk back to the bar felt like an eternity; Louis’ mind was numb and his body was cold. He nodded to Eleanor when he slipped back into the building, walking over to where she was standing.  
“Where’d you go?” she asked softly. There was no accusation in her voice, just curiosity.  
“Out,” Louis responded, sending her a quick look that hopefully said “I’ll tell you later”. She simply nodded, placing a gentle kiss to his cheek.  
“You’re going to be a shit husband, you know that Tomlinson?”  
He laughed, “I know.”  
“But you’re a good friend,” She added, linking their fingers together.  
“Thank you, El.” He hoped that the small squeeze he gave her hand showed how much gratitude he truly felt towards the woman. Louis ignored the small voice in his head that told him to go back outside to find boy that had run off with his heart.  
~  
“Hey, shithead, someone at the door for you.” Zayn yelled, waking Louis up from his nap.  
“Who is it? Why are you smirking?” Louis grumbled, rubbing the sleep from his eyes.  
“You’re lucky Ben isn’t home mate,” Zayn snorted, walking into the kitchen. Louis flicked him off as he walked away, stretching on his way to the door.  
“Sorry, I’m not buying any cookies,” Louis said, as he opened the door.  
“Good, because I’m not selling any.” Louis cursed, closing the door in the boys face. “Louis, open the goddamn door.” Harry sighed, rapping his knuckles lightly against the wood.  
Louis peeked through the mail slot, mentally beating himself up for being such a coward. “If I open the door are you going to try and hit me?”  
“What the hell, Lou? Why would I hit you? If you haven’t noticed, you’re the one who always leaves me.” Louis cringed at Harry’s tone, putting his sweaty hands on the doorknob. He turned it slowly, peeking out at the curly haired boy standing on the porch. Harry sighed quietly, shifting the giant green backpack to his other shoulder. “Can I come in?”  
Louis nodded slowly, his eyes not leaving Harry’s. The lanky boy ducked into the house, glancing around quickly.  
“So…”  
“So…” The two boys stood silently, watching each other. Louis felt himself leaning into Harry slowly.  
“You two are so fucked up,” Zayn said exasperatedly, breaking the tension. Louis noticed Harry take two steps back, his eyes getting cold. “Fuck, did I interrupt something? I’m leaving, I’m leaving.” Zayn hurried out of the room, looking back at Louis to wiggle his eyebrows suggestively.  
Louis frowned, his eyebrows knitting together, “Right, so you had something to say?”  
“I’m, uh I’m leaving. Just wanted to say goodbye I guess.”  
“How long?”  
“A while. Probably won’t be back anytime soon. Gotta get out of here, you know.” Harry ran a hand through his hair, pulling it out of his face.  
“What do you want me to say? Beg you not to go like a little bitch?” Louis crossed his arms, hoping Harry wouldn’t notice the way he was shaking.  
“No. Just thought you should know I was leaving.” Harry shrugged, shifting his bag to be a little more comfortable.  
“Where are you going?”  
“I’m going to enlist.”  
Louis shook his head, a laugh escaping his lips. “You aren’t old enough, mate. Good luck getting in.”  
Harry snorted. “You of all people should know about fake I.D.’s Lou.”  
“Harry…” Louis frowned, taking a step closer.  
“Stay away, ok Louis? Please, don’t make this harder than it is.”  
Louis stepped away, feeling like he had been slapped. Harry turned away, walking towards the door.  
“Haz….Don’t.” Louis felt a single tear slide down his face as Harry reached for the doorknob without a backwards glance. The door closed behind him and Louis felt his hands start to shake. He stood, staring at the door for what felt like hours before Zayn came back into the room. The younger boy guided his older brother onto the couch with a sigh.  
“It’s going to be ok, Louis.”  
God did Louis hope that he was right.  
~  
The next few months passed slowly. Louis got his job back from Nick, ignoring the sad glances the older man always sent his way. Eleanor was getting bigger, and Louis tried to care for her as best as he could. The idea of a child terrified him. Louis had his own shitty childhood and the idea of his own kid living the same way scared him more than anything. Eleanor would be a good enough mother. She was always making crooning noises whenever she felt a kick, her eyes finding Louis’ and giving him a fond smile. He smiled back, but it never reached his eyes and El knew it. She knew he was scared and she knew he was still broken, but she put him back together as well as she could. Louis was grateful to the girl, but he didn’t love her like he had loved before.  
No one had heard from the other boy in months. Whenever Liam came to the shop, Louis would look up quickly, the unspoken question haunting his eyes. Liam always shook his head, looking away quickly, with no words ever being spoken.  
Over time, Louis started to feel again. He tried not to think about the cheeky boy that had swept so quickly into his life. The boy who had made him feel like maybe he was better than what he believed he was. Louis tried not to think about the boy who he had pushed away. He tried not to think about the boy who left and took his heart with him. He wasn’t sinking anymore, but he was still waiting.  
His life was falling back together. Until it fell apart.  
“Morning, Grimshaw,” Louis called, reaching for his smock and flipping the closed sign around.  
“Louis.” The air seemed to drop ten degrees as Louis turned around shakily. A hooded figure leaned against the canned foods aisle.  
“I should have called in sick,” is all the smaller boy could mutter, walking towards the door.  
“Missed ya’, you know.”  
“That’s my line.”  
“Sounds better coming from me.”  
Louis snorted, crossing his arms across his chest. He turned to lean against the door, watching the other figure.  
“You look good, Lou. You look healthy. Happy, even.” Harry pulled the hood off his head, allowing his curls to flop out around him.  
“You’ve looked better.” Louis shot back. Harry’s lips turned up into a smirk, walking closer to the smaller boy.  
“I expected to be punched in the face already.”  
“Don’t put it past me.”  
“I deserve it, Lou.”  
“Yeah, you really fucking do. Asshole.” His voice came out as a whisper, looking away from the other boy.  
Harry’s voice went soft, as he too the final steps towards Louis. He placed a hand on the smaller boy’s cheek leaning down to press their foreheads together. “Do you still love me?”  
“It’s been five months, Harry. You’ve been gone for five months.” Louis breathed.  
“I still love you. Never stopped thinking about you.”  
“Shut up.”  
“It’s true.”  
“No, shut up. Get off me. You don’t get to do this.” Louis pressed his hands to Harry’s torso, pushing the bigger boy away. “You don’t get to do this to me. My life was finally putting itself back together. I have a wife and a baby on the way. I don’t need some stupid teenager waltzing back into my life thinking it’s all going to be ok. Not after all we’ve been through. Not after all you’ve done. Not after all I’ve done.”  
Louis couldn’t even stop to breathe before Harry pushed him back up against the check-out and pressed their open mouths together. He pulled Louis up on top of the counter, quickly stepping in between his legs. They kissed until Louis pulled away, gasping for air, placing his forehead back against Harry’s as they breathed against each other.  
“You’re a bastard, Harry Styles. A righteous self-absorbed bastard, if you think I’m just going to fall back in love with you-” Louis stopped, moving his head to sigh into the other boys neck. “Fuck.”  
“I’m sorry, Lou. I’m sorry I left. I’m sorry I came back like this. I’m sorry we fucked up so many times. But God, Lou, I’m so in love with you. Always have been, always will.”  
“I can’t do this Harry.” Louis choked out, leaning out of the younger boy’s arms.  
“Because of Eleanor and the baby? I know you don’t love her Louis.”  
“I do love El. Just….Not like that.”  
“Are you still fucking scared of your father? Is that what it is Louis?”  
Louis jumped off the counter, stalking away from Harry. “Drop it. I’m not fucking afraid of him.”  
“Then why can’t you do this,” Harry sighed, gesturing to the space between them. “Why can’t we be us again?”  
“I pushed you away so many times, Haz. Why do you keep coming back?” Louis shook his head, walking out the door without a backwards glance.  
~  
Louis didn’t go back to the shop for a week. He told Grimshaw he had come down with some virus. Telling Zayn wasn’t an option seeing as how his brother would just give him advice he didn’t want, or need. He had no one else to turn to, so he turned to Eleanor.  
“El, I have a big problem.”  
“What did you do, Louis?” She glared, tossing him his pack of cigarettes and a lighter.  
“You know when we first… You know…” She nodded, her eyebrows knitting together in confusion. “You remember the boy?”  
“Harry, yes? You mutter his name when you’re drunk, babe.” Louis cringed internally at her observation. He opened his mouth to respond before she cut him off.  
“I know you’re in love with him, Lou. We’ve already discussed this. We aren’t in love with each other, babe. If that’s what you’re so worried about.”  
“You’re the best friend I have ever had you know that, right?” Louis laughed, placing a sloppy kiss on her cheek.  
“I’m one of the only friends you have ever had, Tomlinson.”  
“That’s besides the point. But, back to my main problem… He’s back, El.”  
“Curly boy?”  
“He caught me at work the other day. He told me he still loved me.”  
“Yeah, yeah. And you’re in love with him. I don’t see the problem.” Eleanor scoffed, continuing to fold laundry.  
“I can’t do that!” Louis exclaimed, throwing his hands in the air.  
“Is it your father?”  
“Why does everyone keep asking me that?” Louis fumed.  
“Because everyone is terrified of your father.”  
“OK, yeah, well if he was gone, things would probably be easier.”  
“I know some people. I can get him back in jail by tomorrow if you wanted.”  
“You don’t have to do that.”  
Eleanor shrugged, “I don’t want him around our baby.”  
“How do we get rid of him?” Louis ran a hand through his hair, glancing out the window.  
“Just get him angry down at the bar tomorrow night. I have some people who can finish the fight and get him hauled away.”  
“Thanks, El.”  
“I’m not doing it for you, babe. Now go get your stupid boyfriend.” Louis leaned forward to kiss the baby bump once before, running out the door.  
~  
“Niall, please tell me he’s home.”  
“Depends, how much do you have on you.”  
“Like ten bucks, you little shit.”  
“You got anything I can blow up?”  
“What kind of idiot carries explosives in this neighborhood? Nah, they’re all back at the house.”  
“Harry’s in the van out back. I’m only letting you in for free because you don’t have any shit I want, and you make my brother smile. So, don’t do anything stupid.”  
“Thanks, kid.” Louis hurried back down the porch and headed to the back. The camper was rusted, and covered in peeling paint and graffiti, but the light was on, so Louis walked over.  
“Romeo, oh Romeo, let down your hair.” He called softly, knocking on the door. Louis could hear shuffling as the door creaked open.  
“That’s my line. And you also messed up not one, but two classics, you shit head.” Harry sighed, scooting over so that there was room under the blanket for the other boy. Louis crawled under, squeezing into the small space. Their knees touched as Louis looked around at the van. The inside was covered in posters of bands, Christmas lights, and cigarette butts. The windows were covered in duct tape to cover the cracks. And in the center of it all, sat a curly haired boy, staring at Louis.  
“Nice place you got here.” Louis said quietly, glancing at the younger boy.  
“What are you doing here, Lou?” Harry whispered. Louis felt his heart sink at the other boy’s deflated tone.  
“Where did you go? When you left, where did you go? If you enlisted, you wouldn't be here. Unless you went AWOL you stupid fuck. They’re going to come looking for you.” Louis rambled, thankful for the darkness covering the red tinge of his cheeks.  
“Louis, did you come all the way over here to yell at me? Because I will leave.” Harry sighed again. “And, no. I didn't enlist. I got to the sign up, and I turned around. I didn't want to leave. So, I went on a road trip. I went west for awhile. Hung out on some farms, went to some cities. I ate a ton of good food. Met a lot of cool people, too. But I fucking missed you, Louis. I thought I was just homesick, you know? Missed my family, yeah, but not enough to make me come back. But then I started to wonder when you had become my home. So, I got on the next train back here.”  
“You’re fucking stupid, Harry Styles.”  
“Stupidly in love with you, Louis Tomlinson. But you already knew that.”  
“I know.”  
“So, did you come all the way over here to ask for my story?”  
“No, Haz. I came because I figured some shit out.” Louis took a deep breath, looking up through his eyelashes to watch the other boy’s face.  
“Like?”  
“I’m so fucking in love with you, you stupid asshole.”  
“I know.”  
“I pushed you away so many times, H.”  
Harry tilted his head, his eyes staring straight at Louis. “I know.”  
“I’m sorry.” Louis looked away, avoiding looking at the other boy’s face. He only flinched slightly when a hand reached out to touch his cheek.  
“I know.” Harry whispered, before turning Louis’ chin back to face his own and leaning in to place a chaste kiss on the other boy’s chapped lips. Louis let himself be kissed before bringing his own hand up to brush through Harry’s hair.  
Harry pulled away slowly, brushing his fingers along Louis’ jawline. “Say it again.”  
“I’m in love with you, Harry.”  
Harry made a whimpering sound, leaning back in to kiss Louis again, making it deeper than the first. “Stay with me tonight.”  
“Okay.”  
~  
The first thing Louis woke up to the next morning was lips ghosting over his collarbone and down his torso. The second thing he woke up to was the sound of a head crashing into the ceiling of the van.  
“Jesus, Harry! You ok, babe?” Louis laughed, looking up at the dazed boy.  
“I think there’s a mountain growing on my head, Lou.” Harry whined, lightly touching the top of his own head.  
“You giant oaf, come here.” Louis reached up to pull Harry down into his lap. “Let me look at it. Yep, it’s red, and there’s going to be a bump. We should probably go get you some ice.” The older boy ran his fingers through Harry’s hair lightly, careful not to touch the painful spot. The two got up slowly, climbed out of the van, and worked their way up to the house.  
“Alright, love, take a seat, I’ll get you some ice.” Louis mumbled into Harry’s neck, helping the other boy into a seat. He hurried to the freezer, grabbing a pack of peas.  
“My brother always seems to get hurt around you, Tomlinson,” said a girls voice from the staircase.  
“I know, and I’m sorry Gemma. Truly. But things are going to be ok now,” Louis promised.  
“Be careful with my baby brother. And for gods sake put some clothes on, I didn't need to see all those hickies this early in the morning.” Gemma laughed, noticing Louis’ blush. He hurried out of the room, placing the ice pack onto Harry’s head.  
“Did you really have to cover me in this many bruises, babe?”  
Harry smiled, nuzzling into Louis’ shirt, “Mine.”  
“Listen, babe. Eleanor and I came up with this plan,” Louis started.  
“You both came up with it?”  
“Ok, fine, El came up with this plan, to get my father locked up again.”  
“Sounds brill, love.” Harry smiled, weakly.  
Louis looked confused, staring down at the other boy. “What’s wrong, Haz?”  
“I don’t want to be a little secret anymore, Lou. I thought this time things would be different.”  
“Things will be different!” Louis insisted, “You can come over all the time.”  
“Not just in your house, Louis. I want to hold your hand and go on dates and get dinner with you. In public.” Harry gave his best puppy dog face, staring up at the other boy.  
“Harry…”  
“This isn't going to work then Louis. I can’t hide anymore.”  
“Give me some time to think about it, please love? I have to think.” Louis tried not to look at the hurt in the younger boy’s face as he walked towards the door. “I’ll be at the bar tonight to get rid of Ben. Meet me there?”  
“Give me an answer then, or I’m out.”  
Louis gave a curt nod before hurrying out the door.  
~  
There was at least three drinks tempting Louis as he sat at the bar. His father was going to arrive soon and he still didn’t have a plan. He had to get Ben angry enough that he would become violent in public. It was harder than it sounded, seeing as how Ben liked to keep up his image in the bar. Getting him angry would be the easy part.  
Then, there was the Harry problem. The other boy’s ultimatum was intimidating and Louis was scared. He was less scared of his father than he was of losing his boy again. Coming out would be a big step in Louis’ life that he wasn’t sure he was ready to take.  
“Evening, gentlemen!” Ben’s voice boomed as he stormed into the bar. Everyone cheered, raising their glasses to the man. Louis raised his halfheartedly, smiling at his step-father. The smile faded two seconds later as another person walked in behind Ben.  
Harry looked around the bar, finding Louis’ eyes and giving a small smile. Louis avoided his gaze, quickly turning in his seat and looking down into the glass of alcohol in front of him. It was only a few moments before he felt a body slide into the stool next to him.  
“Make your decision, yet?” Harry hissed, making the hair on Louis’ arm stand up.  
“I’m working on it.” Louis muttered back.  
“In a few minutes, I will walk out of this bar. If you haven’t made a decision by then, don’t bother coming back to my place.”  
“That isn’t fair, H.”  
“I can’t be a mistress anymore, Louis. Don’t you want to be free?”  
Louis stopped, turning in his seat to stare at the other boy. “What you and I have makes me free. Not what that asshole knows.”  
“Words only mean so much, babe. I think it’s time for us to be over Louis.” Harry got up, heading towards the door at a sullen pace. His head drooped as he reached for the doorknob.  
In that split second, Louis came up with a plan.  
“Hey! Can I get everyone’s attention in here?” He yelled out, banging a spoon against his glass. He looked at Ben first, making sure he had his attention, before glancing to see if Harry had stopped. “Look, I just want everyone here to know, I’m really fucking gay. Like kissing cute boys and taking it up the ass gay.” Louis stepped down off the chair, staring straight at an open mouthed Harry. Everything in the room was frozen. Time seemed to stop and Louis wondered if maybe he was already dead.  
Then, Ben stood up. “What. The. Fuck.” He enunciated each word painfully slow, glaring at Louis like he had broken his favorite gun. “What the fuck did you just say,boy?” Ben’s voice got increasingly louder with each word until he was full on screaming. “I’m going to fucking kill you!” The older man lunged at Louis, stumbling into a table full of empty bottles. Louis ran, jumping out of harms way. He dodged towards the door, and Harry, attempting to push the younger boy outside. He felt something snake around his foot as Ben pulled him to the ground, sinking a fist into his gut.  
“You motherfucker! Scum of the earth,” Ben screamed, repeatedly punching Louis. Blood was spurting from his nose as Louis struggled to push the older man off of him. He laughed, spitting blood in Ben’s face.  
“Guess what, daddy? We've been fucking! Me and Harry! He fucks my ass and I take it! What do you think of that, dad?” Louis cackled, blood streaming from his nose.” Louis felt one last punch as the weight was lifted off of him.  
“Jesus, Ben. You just got out and you’re going back in for hitting a kid.” The police officer said, shaking his head as they pulled Louis’ attacker towards the open door.  
“I’m gonna fucking kill you!” Ben screamed, struggling against the cuffs.  
“Saying stuff like that is going to earn you more time, mate.” The second officer said, opening the car door. They shoved Ben inside, closing the door and effectively cutting off his stream of profanity.  
Louis looked around, dazedly. His head was pounding but he had never felt more adrenaline in his entire life. He glanced towards the police officer who was trying to speak to him.  
“You ok, mate? You’re bleeding everywhere.” The officer handed him a rag, effectively staunching the flow.  
“Where’s Harry?” Louis choked.  
“The curly haired boy? Standing inside. I think he’s waiting to see if you’re ok. You got a good one, mate.”  
“I know.”  
“Ben won’t get near you, again. We can file child abuse charges. You’re safe.”  
Louis simply nodded, turning to look for the younger boy.  
“You really came out, huh?”  
“Doesn’t mean I’m going to wear skirts and paint my nails.”  
“You have the legs for it.”  
“Fuck you.” Louis laughed, spitting blood from his mouth.  
“Let’s go home, Lou.” Harry smiled, placing a kiss to the top of Louis’ head.  
“You’re my home.” Louis whispered, leaning into the taller boy’s side. And if Louis kissed Harry under the streetlights and held his hand as they walked home, well, Louis didn’t give a single fuck.  
~  
Epilogue  
~  
“Lou!” Harry yelled from the kitchen.  
“Jesus, Haz, are you getting murdered out there?” Louis said, rubbing the sleep from his eyes as he walked into the kitchen.  
“Eleanor went to the store, and the baby was crying and she left me in charge and oh God Lou, he’s crying and he won’t stop,” Harry blurted, his distress showing on his face.  
“He probably just needs his diaper changed, calm down, babe.” Louis chuckled, kissing Harry lightly on the cheek.  
“I just don’t want to mess up. This is the first time El has made me take care of the baby on my own. I want Iggy to like me, Lou.” Harry pouted, his eyes wide.  
“Iggy likes you, babe. He’s a baby, he likes everyone. He even likes Zayn.”  
“I heard that, asshole,” came a voice from the living room.  
“Do not use that language around my son, you prick.” Louis yelled back.  
“You’re so hot when you act fatherly, baby,” Harry cooed, leaning his head on the smaller boy’s shoulder.  
“Are you trying to seduce me while I’m holding a child?” Louis gasped, holding the small child against his chest.  
“Is it working?”  
“Maybe… I mean no! No! This is inappropriate! Iggy is going to grow up terribly!”  
“So terribly,” Harry laughed. “He has a mom and dad who adore him, a shitty uncle that always slips him candy, and a step daddy that loves him more than anything.”  
“More than anything?” Louis said slowly, his mouth twisting up into a smirk.  
“Almost anything,” Harry teased, taking Iggy from the other boy’s arms and placing him in the highchair. He crowded Louis up against the counter, kissing him slowly.  
“Excuse you!” a high voice coughed, “Not in front of the child!”  
“Sorry, El,” Harry cried, looking distraught.  
Louis cackled, walking over to kiss his wife on the cheek. “No we aren’t. But love you anyway Eleanor.”  
“You shitheads, you’re going to fuck up our son.” She laughed with a shake of her head. “Get out of here you two.”  
The boys stumbled quickly from the kitchen, laughter still in their throats. They quickly closed the door to Louis’ room, collapsing onto the bed. Louis thought maybe he could do this for the rest of his life.

FIN

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading. if you liked it leave a kudos and a comment maybe?  
> you can find me at gallougher.tumblr.com and on twitter @patroclouis


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